“YOU ARE THE BEST, THE STRONGEST, THE MOST AWESOME!” »
Laurie GozlanShare
Positive affirmations are very good and they work, but as long as you are very CLEAR ABOUT WHAT WE PUT BEHIND the words “best”, “strong”, “great”…
If our child takes these words literally , and one day, inevitably, he is not the best, the strongest, nor the most brilliant, he then risks experiencing great disappointment, and even resenting his parents for “lying” to him about his true worth.
When we tell our child that he is the strongest, and we make him repeat it with conviction like a mantra, we must explain to him what “being strong” really means.
But what does that really mean? What is behind all these superlatives?
To be strong, like the best, the most brilliant, or simply to have confidence in yourself, is to know your strengths and your limits and to accept them, it is to know that you can choose to develop this or that skill, and not another is accepting that we have the right not to be good everywhere, in everything, and all the time...
It's understanding that we are not what we do, that our mistakes do not define us, and that we can always do differently. It is knowing that we are intrinsically valuable, regardless of our failures or successes.
To be truly strong is to know that you can dare, to know that you are ENOUGH! It is also and above all, knowing that we have the choice, to love ourselves, and to feel loved, unconditionally.
Concretely, to make our child understand all these subtleties, we can regularly repeat to him that we love him, when he fails, and when he succeeds, when he is happy, or grumpy, when he tries, and when he does not. Don’t you dare, when he’s afraid and when he’s brave…
If, for example, our child has a tantrum because he is afraid of going into the water, it is a good time to tell him:
“I sense that you are afraid, and know that being afraid is one of your strengths. Fear can be overcome, and you can do it today, or some other time. And whatever you decide, I love you.”
It is obviously not a question of repeating this speech to the exact word, far from me having the pretension of knowing exactly what to say... It is rather a question of adapting it to your character, your vocabulary, the your child's level of understanding (not to be underestimated), and his or her character.
Share in the comments what you are doing to boost your children's confidence, your ideas, tips, habits... this can be very helpful for other parents who read you!